As a man that knows a lot about many fins, it has come to my attention that there are a lot of people that don't know any fins. So that's why I decided to let yer all learn by yer mistakes and make none by asking me how to do fins. Do you understand? Well let me tell yer, if yer don't understand what this is, what it is...is a problem page yer fick idiot. If you've got a problem, check the archives first and if yer cant find any help there, send all the details to me and I'll sort it out for yer. But if I telt yer somet wrong don't go killing yerself and blaming on to me cos I won't give a frigg and it won't do any of us any good yer twazock! So fink about that right! Good.
Dear Keith,
I have quite a major problem involving older ladies.
To quench my thirst for these mature beauties I took a
job at my local nursing home. All was going well
untill one night I decided to take one home she didn't
know where we were going bless her. She now lies in
my garage. Trouble is she got lonely so I took her pal
home too. I now have 12 of them all playing bingo in
my garage with my adapted Harry hoover as a ball
machine. This is all great but folk at work are asking
questions and the police have been in too. I think im
in too deep.
MH, Edinburgh
Dear MH,
Hand yourself in. If you do it sooner rather than
later I'm sure they'll go easy on yer. Frick it I'll
phone the police for yer and pass on yer details. Good
luck sicko!
Dear Keith,
Listen matey jim lad, i have issues I just realised that one of my best female mates fancies me! and i fancy her! but she is also being chased by my best mate. I don't know what the hell to do!! Do I let the mate go ahead or go in for her myself??
Poploktom, Birmingham
Dear Poploktom,
Get in there lad! He doesn't own her. Know one does.
Until you've got a ring on their finger. If he's got a
problem tell him to frick off. It's an open field out
there and it's like I've always said If some one likes
you, but someone else likes them but you like them as
well, then like them cos if you don't like them back
then someone else will. Simple as cake!
Dear Keith,
i avn't got long so, any way i was wondering if u cud help me with a little problem - me face is set like a baboon's ass and i was wonderin if u cud recomend sum farmisuticuls that can help me. See told ya cant speell. there was summat else aswell but i cant remember it o ye i cant........ o and big brother gets rite on me tits aswell, am i talkin to me self here?
Peter, Liverpool
Dear Peter,
I've watched Big Brother but only for that fit Irish lass as that program is normally for girls in'it. As business man of the year '93 I don't have much time for that sort of stuff. Anyroad best fing to do with yer mush is to grow a beard, or have a tattoo of Brad Pitt done on it. I'm not a pillow biter but I do know a good looking fella when I see one and he is one. In fact as a matter of fact many people have telt me that I've got a look of Brad Pitt. Good look! Remember though some lasses aren't right bothered about looks, it's if yer can make them laff, and if you've got a big cock!
